Quantity vs Quality

As a working woman who's now pregnant, the debate over whether to be a working mom or a stay-at-home mom (which of course is just a different kind of work) is particularly poignant. The topic was discussed yesterday on an Oprah Show and it certainly hits close to home for me.

The thing I took away the most is how extremely sad it is that there's such judgement. I don't understand how women can make gross generalizations about whether all women should stay at home or all women should work. I just don't see it like that. Assuming there is a choice (that financial circumstances don't make it such that she can't choose between staying at home and working) I think it's up to each woman and family to decide what's best for them. Why does it have to be a black and white issue? It's not either/or. Why does there have to be judgement that one way works for everyone, and if you don't subscribe to that then you're wrong? I think there are plenty of amazing children who grow up to be great adults who come from both types of families.

I feel like there's definitely this underlying feeling that if a woman chooses to work, that in someway she loves her children less. I just don't believe that's true. I think that's unfair to working moms. There are plenty of children (and now adults) who grew up with working parents who felt completely loved, and didn't feel empty or un-whole. Sure, there are sacrifices, but that's true in every family. They're just different sacrifices.

For me, the take home point is that it's about QUALITY and not quantity. Just because a mom stays at home doesn't mean she's completely connected to her children, and just because a mom works doesn't mean she's not completely connected to her children. And vice versa! It's about how the time that you are together is spent. Any woman, whether she stays at home or works outside the home, who is unfulfilled and hasn't taken care of her 'Self' isn't going to be connected or 'in tune' with her children, no matter how much or little time she spends with them. So it's up to each woman to figure out what the best way is for her, and their family.

So can we please stop placing judgement or blame on each other and just respect each other's right to choose? Wasn't that the whole point of the feminist movement???